"Morning found us calmly unaware. Noon burnt gold into our hair." -The Doors
ACT 3
Scene 3
MEANWHILE BACK AT THISBE'S/
SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM
Inside Thisbe's Tavern
[ Thisbe's is crowded. AGONIGHTUS, KALIMAY, WACANDAMACA and FIFI are seated in a booth facing the audience. They are wearing crowns of the fake St. John's Wort flowers. On the karoke stage at the rear is a HANDSOME GREEK VILLAGER wearing leather pants and softly singing SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE by the DOORS in the background while the witches talk.]
HANDSOME GREEK VILLAGER
[singing]
Summer's almost gone.
Summer's almost gone.
Almost gone.
Yeah it's almost gone.
Where will we be
When the summer's gone?
Morning found us calmly unaware
Noon burnt gold into our hair.
At night we swam the laughin' sea.
When summer's gone,
Where will we be?
Where will we be?
Where will we be?
Summer's almost gone.
Summer's almost gone.
We had some good times,
But they're gone.
The winter's comin' on.
Summer's almost gone.
AGONIGHTUS
I don't think she's spying on us. She's too busy
playing with her food.
KALIMAY
What if you're wrong?
AGONIGHTUS
I don't care anymore.
WACANDAMACA
[Deep sigh of relief]
Then mutiny it is!
[ Enter STRAWBERRY, an elderly version of
herself, dressed as a barmaid. She carries a tray to a table nearest to the
witches' booth and stands there with her back to them.]
KALIMAY
I don't want to die.
FIFI
I would rather die than feel this way again. She
tells us to go and wait for her in the village when there is hardly any time
left to rescue Beatrice. It is only a few hours until midnight.
AGONIGHTUS
Death is a higher probability if we don't mutiny.
When she is finished pretending she's Queen and done forcing a command
performance out of that troupe of actors, she isn't going meet us in the
village.
WACANDAMACA
Right. She's going to eat us AND the village.
KALIMAY
OK. I'm in. What's the plan?
[ STRAWBERRY turns around and places a pitcher
of beer on the witches' table]
ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID
'ello ladies. Best ale in the village. Good for
what ales you. Get it?
[The witches make demi-smiles, shrug, wince.
They each slap money on the table.]
FIFI
Keep the change.
ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID
Thank you. I see you ladies are wearing the wort.
Good for romance, good luck in child birth and keeping witches away. There's
some handsome galoots in here tonight, to be sure!
[ Enter PHILLIP STRAIT, DAPHNE,
HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY, WINTERBOTTOM, PERCY, QUIBBLE, WALTER, TOOT, SIEVE &
OTHER VILLAGERS]
BARTENDER
[SHOUTING over the SOUND of KARAOKE SINGER to
Phillip Strait]
Back so soon!?
PHILLIP STRAIT
Rehearsal on the roof is cancelled. It's raining
rocks! Look at these things!
BARTENDER
Let me see.
[ PHILLIP STRAIT puts a handful of the stones
on the bar.]
BARTENDER
Ah. Staurolite. Fairy crosses. A talisman of
good luck.
PHILLIP STRAIT
Tell that to the knots on our heads!
[ ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID turns and rolls
her eyes at ANCIENT FORGETMENOT/BARMAID standing near PHILLIP STRAIT]
BARTENDER
[ Shouting over MUSIC to Phillip
Strait]
You think you got problems! I've got old barmaids
I've never seen before in my life. I suppose it's alright. It's never been
this crowded in here before.
[ DAPHNE grabs SIEVE'S arm before he can get
lost in the crowd.]
DAPHNE
[Shouting over MUSIC to Sieve]
I want you to take me to the other side of the
island, where you took Hank!
[ HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY grabs DAPHNE by the arm.
DAPHNE turns and SIEVE disappears dancing into the crowd on the dance floor,
waving his arms in the air slowly to SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE with the
others.]
HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY
[Shouting over Karaoke singer]
Daphne! Listen to me!
[ VILLAGE GIRLS SCREAM and swoon over the
HANDSOME GREEK KARAOKE SINGER'S sexy gyrations as he continues singing like Jim
Morrison: SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE]
DAPHNE
Let me go!
HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY
Daphne! It's me! I have NEVER loved anyone but
you!
DAPHNE
Then show me your chest!
HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY
Here? In public!
DAPHNE
Show me or I'm going to scream!
HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY
Alright, then.
[HANK-IN-LEO'S BODY rips open his shirt. To
his horror and Daphne's, there is a huge heart tattoo that says "LEDA FOREVER"
on his chest. Both SCREAM and disappear into the crowd in different
directions.]
FIFI
[ Scratching her face]
I think I'm allergic to this beer! There's
something floating in it!
KALIMAY
That's your NOSE! Your nose just fell off!
WACANDAMACA
My face!
AGONIGHTUS
It's wort! There's real wort nearby!
[ The witches exit, SCREAMING, holding their
faces. The Handsome Greek Villager finishes his karaoke song. The villagers
SCREAM and APPLAUD].
[Enter ROWAN]
ROWAN
[ To Ancient Forgotmenot/Barmaid]
Where is Puck?!
ANCIENT FORGETMENOT/BARMAID
[Points to the dark karaoke stage]
Not to be outdone!
[ A spotlight illuminates the stage to
reveal a decrepid, ANCIENT PUCK wearing the exact same sexy leather outfit
the Handsome Greek Villager was wearing. ANCIENT STRAWBERRY, ANCIENT
POPPY and ANCIENT HAREBELL are his backup singers, dressed like THE SUPREMES
inspite of their old age. ANCIENT POPPY throws St. John's Wort flowers into the
audience while ANCIENT PUCK uses a walker to slowly make it to the
karaoke microphone.]
ANCIENT PUCK
[ Leans into the microphone and growls to the
tune of ALICE COOPER'S: I'M EIGHTEEN]
Dark spots on my face and my
hands,
Darkness forming all
around,
I gotta dribble into this
bedpan!
I'm alive and I'm a
deadman!
[ ANCIENT PUCK empties the bedpan
on the audience. It is just yellow St. John's
Wort flower petals but the
audience GASPS and SCREAMS before they realize it's safe.]
ANCIENT PUCK
CONTINUES
I'm EIGHTY,
And I forget what I
want!
EIGHTY!
I just forgot what I
want!
EIGHTY!
There just ain't no
escape!
My own kids put me in this
place!
With just this cane and a bloody
back brace!
[ ANCIENT PUCK kicks the bedpan
off the stage, throws the walker away and yanks off the vest-like backbrace,
revealing his old, droopy chest. STRAWBERRY and POPPY hold him up while he
gyrates his hips. This time HAREBELLE tosses the wort petals into the air, then
yanks off ANCIENT PUCK'S toupee.]
ANCIENT PUCK
CONTINUES
Oh Yeah!
I'm a baby again and I'm an old
fart!
Took all this time to get no
where!
Don't remember where I left my
toupee!
Hope that sweet little nurse
didn't throw it away,
Again!
Yeah! Yeah!
Dark Spots on my face and my
hands!
Darkness forming all
around!
I'm on the border, the edge of
this life!
I'm alive and I'm a dead
man!
I'm EIGHTY,
EIGHTY,
EIGHTY,
EIGHTY,
This is goodbye, kids!
Yes! Bye Bye, Kids!
Bye Kids!
EIGHTY!
EIGHTY!
This is GOODBYE KIDS!
[ The stage goes dark again and
before the audience can react, there is a great EARTHQUAKE. There are LOUD
CRASHES, the SOUND of BREAKING GLASSES, everyone in Thisbe's Tavern starts to
SCREAM.]
BARTENDER
Earthquake!
ROWAN
[ To Strawberrry]
It's Oberon! Where are you going!
Come back here!
[Lightning and Thunder add to the
earthquake noises. STRAWBERRY slowly makes her way up to the stage. She is
determined to take her turn singing no matter what.]
STRAWBERRY
[ Starts singing while the crowd
ignores her & continues to panic.]
When I want you,
In my arms,
When I want you,
And all your charms,
Whenever I want you,
All I have to do is,
Dream.
Dream, Dream, Dream.
When I feel blue,
In the night,
And I need you,
To hold me tight,
Whenever I want you,
All I have to do is,
Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream.
I can make you mine,
Taste your lips of wine,
Anytime night or day.
Only trouble is,
Gee wiz!
I'm dreamin' my life
away.
I need you so,
That I could die,
I love you so,
And that is why,
Whenever I want you,
All I have to do is,
Dream,
Dream, Dream, Dream.
~ CURTAIN CLOSES
~
~To Be Continued
~
*Lyrics to "I'M EIGHTY" by J. E. Marshall @
September 13, 2011
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM/EVERLY
BROTHERS
SUMMMER'S ALMOST GONE/ THE DOORS/WAITING FOR THE
SUN
I'M EIGHTEEN/ ALICE COOPER/ MASCARA AND MONSTERS