ACT 2 Scene 4 A TRAITOR IN FAIRYLAND

ACT 2

Scene 4

The dock for St. John's Priory on the other side of the enchanted island.

[ It is dark except for one faint light on a lamppost which flickers and goes out. SIEVE'S boat is the only one there. SIEVE and HANK'S BODY (now possessed by his twin LEO) and the GOAT(possessed by FREDDIE, the twin's father), step out of the boat and onto the dock with only a flashlight to guide them.]

SIEVE

Alas, poor goat!  I got thee to the priory!

HANK/LEO

It's so dark. Are you sure we are in the right place?  Give me the flashlight!

[ SIEVE gives HANK/LEO the flashlight, takes out his spyglass and looks at the stars and SCREAMS ]

SIEVE

We're in the wrong hemisphere! 

HANK/LEO

Give me that!  What's the matter with you?  We haven't had time to change hemispheres!

[ HANK/LEO grabs the spyglass and gives SIEVE the flashlight.]

SIEVE

I've never seen those stars before!  Besides, I told you no one is here, they're all at the festival.

HANK/LEO

If that's my father's yacht, then we're on the wrong side of the island.

[ HANK/LEO looks out to sea through the spyglass.]

B, E, L, L, A, D, O, N, N, A.    Not my dad's.

SIEVE

[Shrill voice, very anxious]

Was this the ship that lunched a thousand faces and burnt them for hours in it's bottomless monster ileum?!

HANK/LEO

You are drunk!

SIEVE

[ Shines the light around the dock rapidly.]

This looks like the right place.  Let's drop off the goat and get the hell out of here!

HANK/LEO

Give me the flashlight and the goat!  You stay right here!  Don't you dare leave! Leda is out there, somewhere!  We're not leaving without my wife!

SIEVE

I'll wait in the boat. Right here in the boat.

[ HANK/LEO drags the goat by the rope, goes down the dock, turns and shines the light back towards SIEVE, who is ducking in the boat , only visible from the eyes up. He comes upon the lamppost and tightens the bulb. The light comes back on.]

HANK/LEO

The bulb was just loose.  I can see the path now.  I'll be back with Leda in a minute. Don't you dare leave without us!

[ HANK/LEO and the GOAT/FREDDIE exit ]

[ A moment of silence.]  

[Enter LEO'S  body possessed by HANK'S spirit, like a bat out of hell.  He grabs the lamppost, catches his breath and scrambles towards the boat.]

LEO/HANK

A boat!  Thank God!

(Laughs hysterically, then is suddenly serious.)

Get me out of here!

SIEVE

That was fast!

[ SIEVE gets out of the boat and walks towards LEO/HANK.  LEO/HANK grabs SIEVE by the shoulders and shakes him while he yells at him.] 

LEO/HANK

Get back in the boat!  You take me to the Sea Breeze Hotel right now!  Right now!  Get me out of here! I smell beer!

SIEVE

I'll throw the beer overboard if it bothers you that much. 

LEO/HANK

No! Don't do that.  I want one.  Start the boat first. Hurry!

SIEVE

Look, it's none of my business, but, there is no way you had time to search for Leda.  I thought you wanted to find her.

LEO/HANK

( Laughs like a mad man, then gets serious abuptly.)

You know her!?  Well, why not.  Afterall, she's a hootchy-kootchy woman.  She's the one I'm trying to get away from!  She's stalking me!

SIEVE

I need another beer.

LEO/HANK

We drink when we are so far from the shore that she can't swim out to us!

[ SIEVE and LEO/HANK exit.]

[ Enter HANK/LEO]

HANK/LEO

( Shouting)

Hey! Hey! I paid you to wait for me!

[ HANK/LEO realizes he's too late and begins to talk to himself.]

HANK/LEO

That's alright. I will deal with you later.  Lost my father-the-goat chasin after the boat.  That's alright too.  I'll find him later. I'm the only one who knows what's going on around here.

[ HANK/LEO exits into the bushes.]

[ Enter fierce ROWAN, Titania's Body Guard.  She has something tiny in the palm of her hand.]

ROWAN

 Here is thy once missing scepter, Your Majesty. 

[There is a great puff of smoke from which QUEEN MAB appears in the human sized version of herself, still wearing her usual golden helmet. She takes the almost invisible scepter from ROWAN'S palm.]

ROWAN

How went the meeting aboard the frightful Belladonna?

QUEEN MAB

The Mosquito and I saw eye to eye. All will go as planned.  She briefs the others as we speak.  And where did we find Our one time missing Scepter?

 

ROWAN

   With a Puck.  I had Seadew tender that Puck asleep with a soothing mist so I might retrieve thy scepter undetected.  He sleeps even now in the bushes nearby, with his train of followers, all wearing the weeds of good monks and blessed nuns. He hath done much mischief this evening. He hath heard confessions and made marriages and feasted upon many months of stored supplies belonging to St. John's Priory. He hath turned a well known and wealthy human into a goat.  He hath switched the souls of that man's twin sons.  A sleep seemed the only way to deal with him.

QUEEN MAB

It seems Our curse did little to keep Puck out of our way. Take you this potion and give it him and his fairies before they wake.  It will remove the curse and  everyone's memory of this evening's events. Then will Oberon find his fatted fairies sleeping and no excuses to be made. Let the goat and his twins keep up the run. We will tend to them when the worst is done! This will suit Our purpose.

ROWAN

If Your Majesty has no other tasks for me, I will attend to Puck and then continue to appear to search for Queen Titania.

QUEEN MAB

Worthy, strong and true Rowan, you will be much rewarded for your loyalty to Us.

[ROWAN bows deeply and respectfully to QUEEN MAB. ]

[ QUEEN MAB exits.]

[ Enter SEADEW, a sweet and goofy fairy who giggles a lot, the same SEADEW who earlier attended upon TITANIA asked TITANIA if she wanted her blue diamond removed before her nap.]

ROWAN

More mist! More mist!  The Queen commands that Oberon shall find a lazy lump of Puck!

SEADEW

( giggles)

Which Queen?

ROWAN

(Pretending to be angry)

What?  Shall I beat you?  Did you call our Queen a witch?

[SEADEW runs in circles flapping her arms.  ROWAN catches her before SEADEW hits the lamppost.]

SEADEW

Making the mist.  Just making the mist. Come Seamint! Help me make the mist!

ROWAN

(Affectionately)

Come, silly Seadew. Oberon is near.

[ ROWAN and SEADEW exit into the bushes.]

[Enter OBERON, boiling mad.]

OBERON

Methinks I never ate anger till now!

Appear thou Puck or thee I disavow!

[ Enter ROWAN.  SEADEW and SEAMINT, a male version of SEADEW, sneak out of the bushes to follow ROWAN ]

OBERON

 Servants of my missing Queen, what do you report?

SEAMINT

( Whispers to Seadew)

That I have never seen such testosterone in an Oberon before!

[ ROWAN swats SEADEW and SEAMINT back towards the bushes and scolds them.]

ROWAN

Seamint! Seadew! Get thee gone!

Dare not play with Oberon!

[Exit SEAMINT and SEADEW.]

OBERON

Fierce Rowan, tell me what you tell the bushes!

ROWAN

Indeed My Lord, I tell them that they snore in their sleep! Here! No, there!  Hast thou ever heard so sore a snore?  Well, no matter what wild boar sleeps here, I must continue my search for my Queen!

[ ROWAN points to where she left PUCK and his TRAIN OF FAIRIES sleeping. ROWAN exits.]

OBERON

(To himself)

I will wake this creature that dares to sleep on such a night!

[ OBERON exits into the bushes.]

~ To Be Continued ~

ACT 2 Scene 2 PUCK FINDS SOMETHING IN THE GRAVEYARD AT ST JOHN'S ABBEY

ACT 2

Scene 2

The graveyard of St. John's Priory next to the chapel. PUCK, POPPY, TOADFLAX, HAREBELL, YEW, BUD, FOXGLOVE and YARROW are gathered around a tombstone.

PUCK

This is the grave of Bandar, the changeling!

Here lies the boy King Oberon did nab!

Much did the world quake from that quarreling!

Could this be the hideaway of Queen Mab?  

[ An OWL HOOTS four times.]

OWL

Who! Who! Who! Who!

[ The fairies scramble and hide behind tombstones and trees.  Dry leaves blow across the stage. ]

YARROW

[ She ventures out and WHISPERS ]

All clear.

[ All the fairies creep out from their hiding places. ] 

TOADFLAX

[ Answering Puck, whispering ]

Many a night this site she was last seen.

Rested here the carriage of Mab, The Queen.

[ A CREATURE off stage GROWLS four times.]

CREATURE

Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrr!

[ The fairies stifle their SCREAMS, fall all over each other as they rush back to their hiding places. POPPY pulls PUCK behind  the tomb of BANDAR because PUCK has trouble moving the direction he wants to.  Dry leaves BLOW across the stage from the opposite side this time. After a moment of silence, YARROW ventures out again. ]

YARROW

False alarm!

[ The fairies come out and gather around BANDAR'S grave.  PUCK inspects the monument carefully.  He finds something.]

PUCK

[ Holds a tiny splinter high, arm stretched out fully. ]

Alas Queen Mab's scepter! Puck knows thee well!

Oft' this royal staff hath flogged my head to hell.

And found a sepulchre inside this skull.

The book of Puck's brain it doth nightly gull!

[ A shadow moves across the stage.  A crow CAWS four times. ]

CROW

Caw! Caw! Caw! Caw!

[ The fairies dash to hide, torn between fear and looking foolish for being so afraid.  PUCK peeps from behind the tombstone, shakes his head in shame, rests his face in his arms folded atop the stone.  The fairies giggle then get defensive. ]

TOADFLAX

What if it had been Mab?!

POPPY

 What if it had been Oberon?!

[ Puck melts in shame slowly sinking back behind the tombstone.  He emits a LOUD YOWL and pops back up playing an electric guitar.] 

PUCK

[ Singing to the tune of John Lee Hooker's BOOM! BOOM! ]

 Yeeeeeeee ooooooowwwwww!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Gonna scare you right now!

Right outta your seat!

Make you scared of me!

Put you in a haunted house!

Hey! Hey!

[ All the fairies join in and dance like Frankenstein.]

PUCK (CONT'D)

Whoa! Baby!

You blow my mind!

When you walk

Like Frankenstein!

Yeah! Yeah!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Oh Yeah!

Howl. Howl. Howl. Howl.

Growl. Growl. Growl. Growl.

Hear the snappin' twig!

Hoot. Hoot. Mr. Owl!

Flip your wig!

Throw in the towel!

Get scared tonight!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Love to scare you!

Love to scare you, baby!

Love to see you run!

Run away from me!

Chasin' you is fun!

Come on, come on!

Run away from me!

Wanna scare you some more!

Boo! Boo!......

 [ Puck and the fairies suddenly hush and hide again.]

Enter LEDA and LEONARDO.  LEDA clings to LEONARDO for dear life. LEONARDO is HANK'S identical twin. ]

LEDA

I heard singing!

LEONARDO

I heard it too.

LEDA

Where are the monks?

[ PUCK pops back up from behind the tombstone wearing a monk's clothing, adjusting the rosary around his suddenly large waist and rubbing his newly bald head.  LEDA and LEONARDO do not see him yet but they hear the fairies gasp, giggle and whisper.]

FAIRIES 

Oh no!

[ LEONARDO moves LEDA behind him as he turns around to face the direction of the voices. ]

LEONARDO

Who's there!?

PUCK

It's Prior Puck, my children.

LEONARDO

Will you marry us?

PRIOR PUCK

Both of you?  We've only just met!

[ PUCK walks backwards towards LEONARDO and LEDA.  The other fairies come from behind tombstones and trees dressed as nuns and friars.  LEONARDO and LEDA look at each other.]

LEDA

[ Whispers to Leonardo]

I'm still frightened.  I think it is true that this island is enchanted.  Why is that monk walking backwards?

LEONARDO

[ Aside to Leda]

My darling, are you getting cold feet?  Am I not so attractive without my father's fortune?

LEDA

[ Aside to Leonardo, amazed that he doens't care.] 

Leo!  That silly monk is walking backwards!

LEONARDO

[ Aside to Leda, annoyed, suspicious.]

Who are we to make fun of the religious customs of others?  You are the one who is acting funny!

[ PRIOR PUCK finally reaches the couple but he is standing with his back to them.]

PRIOR PUCK

[ To Poppy]

Spin us around, will you, Sisters Poppy and Harebell?

[ Dressed in nun's habits, the fairies POPPY and HAREBELL each take one of PUCK'S hands and run round till PUCK faces the couple.]

PRIOR PUCK

 [Aside to Poppy and Harebell]

 Bless you.

HAREBELL

 [Curtsies and attempts to give the polite reverse response.]

 Ah choo.

[POPPY yanks HAREBELL aside and slaps the back of her head.]

PRIOR PUCK

 [  Leans forward to speak to the couple and starts to fall.  TOADFLAX and FOXGLOVE catch him by his robe and tug till he's upright again.  PRIOR PUCK talks to the couple as if nothing had happened.]

 I sense some discord.

LEDA

 I am falsely accused of falling out of love with my Leonardo because of the cruel prenuptial agreement drawn by his father at the last minute.  The old goat stipulates that I must marry Leo's twin brother, Hank!  When we pointed out the error to him, the old goat, the richest man in the world, refused to pay his attorney to correct the draft and insisted he would cut both Leo and Hank out of his will if they do not abide by the prenuptial.

FOXGLOVE

 [  To PUCK while still holding PUCK'S robe so PUCK can lean forward without falling on his face.]

 Such thrift is surely an offense.  Shall I get the book and look it up?

PRIOR PUCK

 [ To Toadflax]

 By and by.

[To Yew and Bud]

Friars Yew and Bud, to the cellar and fetch the ale and wine.

[ To Harebell and Poppy]

Hide you here near Bandar's grave and signal should Mab appear.

[ To Leda and Leonardo]

Shall we to the confessional for some wine and conversation before the wedding?

LEDA

Oh! Yes. I need a drink!

LEONARDO

So now you need to be drunk before you can marry a poor man like me?

LEDA

[ To Prior Puck ]

Prior Puck, do you really think you can help us?

PRIOR PUCK

My children, you shall be happily wed and the old goat will eat his words!  Tis wonderous good luck to be wed on St. John's Eve!  Come everyone, let's to the priory!

LEDA

[ Takes Leonardo's hand.]

You see?  It's going to be alright after all.  Prior Puck is going to take care of us.

[ PRIOR PUCK walks backwards towards the priory, guided by TOADFLAX.]

LEONARDO

So now it doesn't bother you that he walks backwards?

LEDA

[ LEDA turns around and walks backwards, almost tripping in the process.]

Leo, my darling, by now you must know I will do anything for your love.

[ Everyone  exits, except HAREBELL and POPPY, who hide behind trees to wait for QUEEN MAB to appear.]

Enter STRAWBERRY and FORGET-ME-NOT

[ STRAWBERRY is still transformed into a giant egg and FORGET-ME-NOT is still transformed into an old shoe.]

STRAWBERRY AND FORGET-ME-NOT

Wait for us!

~ To Be Continued ~ 

PREVIEW of ACT 2 of ANOTHER MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

Get ready to meet the Mother of all Blue Diamonds in Act 2 of ANOTHER MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM!  

The Tavernier Blue, The French Blue (Wikipedia photo above) and the Hope Diamond are all believed to  be the children of "THE ARTEMIS STONE",  the magic blue diamond given to Titania on the St. John's Eve when Oberon regained his manhood and ability to sire children.
No longer would Titania and Oberon argue over changelings now that they can have their own children.  Find out how THE ARTEMIS STONE restored Oberon and how the Hope Diamond became cursed!  Who gave Titania the world's largest perfect blue diamond? Oberon would like to know!
Also in Act 2, just when you thought it was safe to retreat to the abbey, meet PRIOR PUCK!  Puck is looking for Queen Mab's lair in the graveyard of St. John's Abbey.  Since Queen Mab put a spell on Puck and he can no longer make himself invisible, he has disguised himself in monk's clothing and shaved the top of his head.

Grab some popcorn!  

The curtain is about to open on Act 2, Scene 1.

ACT 1 Scene 3 ON FREDDIE'S YACHT

ACT 1

Scene 3

The deck of Fred's yacht.

[ The view from the yacht is the port village of the isle. In the distance, the roof top theatre of the Sea Breeze Hotel, where HAMLET will be played after the weddings, is visible from the yacht.]

Enter FRED.

[ FRED has a manner of speaking similar to Tommy Lee Jones.]

Enter YOLANDA, EMELYE, EARL, OWEN, NOLAND, PHILLIP STRAIT, SERVANTS and GUESTS.

[ SERVANTS with trays of champagne make sure everyone has a glass.  A buffet table is appointed with exotic foods and flowers.]

  FRED

 [Raises his glass.]

To Owen and the lovely Emelye! And my sons Leo and Hank and their wives to be. By this time tomorrow six will be wed!

[ EMELYE and OWEN kiss. All the GUESTS APPLAUD and CHEER.  PHILLIP STRAIT is disturbed and distracted by the kiss.]

FRED (CONT'D)

[Aside to his employee PHILLIP STRAIT]

Find them, Phillip, or you'll wish you were dead.

PHILLIP STRAIT

It's the pre-nuptial they refuse to sign.  They all say this time you have crossed the line.  Perhaps they are cooling off on the isle.  Surely they'll return in a little while.

FRED

[ Angry.]

Then hie you by dinghy to the sea shore, 

Remind the players all bought and paid for,

They are to rehearse each and every line 

And shall not bend to merriments and wine!

Mind that you do exactly as I say!

My telescope will spy the roof top play!

And tell my sons my wishes to fulfill

Or they will be written out of my will! 

PHILLIP STRAIT

Straight away, Sir.

[Phillip exits]

~ to be continued ~