ACT 2
Scene 4
The dock for St. John's Priory on the other side of the enchanted island.
[ It is dark except for one faint light on a lamppost which flickers and goes out. SIEVE'S boat is the only one there. SIEVE and HANK'S BODY (now possessed by his twin LEO) and the GOAT(possessed by FREDDIE, the twin's father), step out of the boat and onto the dock with only a flashlight to guide them.]
SIEVE
Alas, poor goat! I got thee to the priory!
HANK/LEO
It's so dark. Are you sure we are in the right place? Give me the flashlight!
[ SIEVE gives HANK/LEO the flashlight, takes out his spyglass and looks at the stars and SCREAMS ]
SIEVE
We're in the wrong hemisphere!
HANK/LEO
Give me that! What's the matter with you? We haven't had time to change hemispheres!
[ HANK/LEO grabs the spyglass and gives SIEVE the flashlight.]
SIEVE
I've never seen those stars before! Besides, I told you no one is here, they're all at the festival.
HANK/LEO
If that's my father's yacht, then we're on the wrong side of the island.
[ HANK/LEO looks out to sea through the spyglass.]
B, E, L, L, A, D, O, N, N, A. Not my dad's.
SIEVE
[Shrill voice, very anxious]
Was this the ship that lunched a thousand faces and burnt them for hours in it's bottomless monster ileum?!
HANK/LEO
You are drunk!
SIEVE
[ Shines the light around the dock rapidly.]
This looks like the right place. Let's drop off the goat and get the hell out of here!
HANK/LEO
Give me the flashlight and the goat! You stay right here! Don't you dare leave! Leda is out there, somewhere! We're not leaving without my wife!
SIEVE
I'll wait in the boat. Right here in the boat.
[ HANK/LEO drags the goat by the rope, goes down the dock, turns and shines the light back towards SIEVE, who is ducking in the boat , only visible from the eyes up. He comes upon the lamppost and tightens the bulb. The light comes back on.]
HANK/LEO
The bulb was just loose. I can see the path now. I'll be back with Leda in a minute. Don't you dare leave without us!
[ HANK/LEO and the GOAT/FREDDIE exit ]
[ A moment of silence.]
[Enter LEO'S body possessed by HANK'S spirit, like a bat out of hell. He grabs the lamppost, catches his breath and scrambles towards the boat.]
LEO/HANK
A boat! Thank God!
(Laughs hysterically, then is suddenly serious.)
Get me out of here!
SIEVE
That was fast!
[ SIEVE gets out of the boat and walks towards LEO/HANK. LEO/HANK grabs SIEVE by the shoulders and shakes him while he yells at him.]
LEO/HANK
Get back in the boat! You take me to the Sea Breeze Hotel right now! Right now! Get me out of here! I smell beer!
SIEVE
I'll throw the beer overboard if it bothers you that much.
LEO/HANK
No! Don't do that. I want one. Start the boat first. Hurry!
SIEVE
Look, it's none of my business, but, there is no way you had time to search for Leda. I thought you wanted to find her.
LEO/HANK
( Laughs like a mad man, then gets serious abuptly.)
You know her!? Well, why not. Afterall, she's a hootchy-kootchy woman. She's the one I'm trying to get away from! She's stalking me!
SIEVE
I need another beer.
LEO/HANK
We drink when we are so far from the shore that she can't swim out to us!
[ SIEVE and LEO/HANK exit.]
[ Enter HANK/LEO]
HANK/LEO
( Shouting)
Hey! Hey! I paid you to wait for me!
[ HANK/LEO realizes he's too late and begins to talk to himself.]
HANK/LEO
That's alright. I will deal with you later. Lost my father-the-goat chasin after the boat. That's alright too. I'll find him later. I'm the only one who knows what's going on around here.
[ HANK/LEO exits into the bushes.]
[ Enter fierce ROWAN, Titania's Body Guard. She has something tiny in the palm of her hand.]
ROWAN
Here is thy once missing scepter, Your Majesty.
[There is a great puff of smoke from which QUEEN MAB appears in the human sized version of herself, still wearing her usual golden helmet. She takes the almost invisible scepter from ROWAN'S palm.]
ROWAN
How went the meeting aboard the frightful Belladonna?
QUEEN MAB
The Mosquito and I saw eye to eye. All will go as planned. She briefs the others as we speak. And where did we find Our one time missing Scepter?
ROWAN
With a Puck. I had Seadew tender that Puck asleep with a soothing mist so I might retrieve thy scepter undetected. He sleeps even now in the bushes nearby, with his train of followers, all wearing the weeds of good monks and blessed nuns. He hath done much mischief this evening. He hath heard confessions and made marriages and feasted upon many months of stored supplies belonging to St. John's Priory. He hath turned a well known and wealthy human into a goat. He hath switched the souls of that man's twin sons. A sleep seemed the only way to deal with him.
QUEEN MAB
It seems Our curse did little to keep Puck out of our way. Take you this potion and give it him and his fairies before they wake. It will remove the curse and everyone's memory of this evening's events. Then will Oberon find his fatted fairies sleeping and no excuses to be made. Let the goat and his twins keep up the run. We will tend to them when the worst is done! This will suit Our purpose.
ROWAN
If Your Majesty has no other tasks for me, I will attend to Puck and then continue to appear to search for Queen Titania.
QUEEN MAB
Worthy, strong and true Rowan, you will be much rewarded for your loyalty to Us.
[ROWAN bows deeply and respectfully to QUEEN MAB. ]
[ QUEEN MAB exits.]
[ Enter SEADEW, a sweet and goofy fairy who giggles a lot, the same SEADEW who earlier attended upon TITANIA asked TITANIA if she wanted her blue diamond removed before her nap.]
ROWAN
More mist! More mist! The Queen commands that Oberon shall find a lazy lump of Puck!
SEADEW
( giggles)
Which Queen?
ROWAN
(Pretending to be angry)
What? Shall I beat you? Did you call our Queen a witch?
[SEADEW runs in circles flapping her arms. ROWAN catches her before SEADEW hits the lamppost.]
SEADEW
Making the mist. Just making the mist. Come Seamint! Help me make the mist!
ROWAN
(Affectionately)
Come, silly Seadew. Oberon is near.
[ ROWAN and SEADEW exit into the bushes.]
[Enter OBERON, boiling mad.]
OBERON
Methinks I never ate anger till now!
Appear thou Puck or thee I disavow!
[ Enter ROWAN. SEADEW and SEAMINT, a male version of SEADEW, sneak out of the bushes to follow ROWAN ]
OBERON
Servants of my missing Queen, what do you report?
SEAMINT
( Whispers to Seadew)
That I have never seen such testosterone in an Oberon before!
[ ROWAN swats SEADEW and SEAMINT back towards the bushes and scolds them.]
ROWAN
Seamint! Seadew! Get thee gone!
Dare not play with Oberon!
[Exit SEAMINT and SEADEW.]
OBERON
Fierce Rowan, tell me what you tell the bushes!
ROWAN
Indeed My Lord, I tell them that they snore in their sleep! Here! No, there! Hast thou ever heard so sore a snore? Well, no matter what wild boar sleeps here, I must continue my search for my Queen!
[ ROWAN points to where she left PUCK and his TRAIN OF FAIRIES sleeping. ROWAN exits.]
OBERON
(To himself)
I will wake this creature that dares to sleep on such a night!
[ OBERON exits into the bushes.]
~ To Be Continued ~
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