ACT 3 Sc 3 MEANWHILE BACK AT THISBE'S

 "Morning  found us calmly unaware. Noon burnt gold into our hair."  -The Doors

   ACT 3

          

Scene 3

MEANWHILE BACK AT THISBE'S/

SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM

Inside Thisbe's Tavern

[ Thisbe's is crowded. AGONIGHTUS, KALIMAY, WACANDAMACA and FIFI are seated in a booth facing the audience. They are wearing crowns of the fake St. John's Wort flowers. On the karoke stage at the rear is a HANDSOME GREEK VILLAGER wearing leather pants and softly singing SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE by the DOORS in the background while the witches talk.]

HANDSOME GREEK VILLAGER

[singing]

Summer's almost gone.

Summer's almost gone.

Almost gone.

Yeah it's almost gone.

Where will we be

When the summer's gone?

Morning found us calmly unaware

Noon burnt gold into our hair.

At night we swam the laughin' sea.

When summer's gone,

Where will we be?

Where will we be?

Where will we be?

Summer's almost gone.

Summer's almost gone.

We had some good times,

But they're gone.

The winter's comin' on.

Summer's almost gone.

AGONIGHTUS

I don't think she's spying on us. She's too busy playing with her food.

KALIMAY

What if you're wrong?

AGONIGHTUS

I don't care anymore.

WACANDAMACA

[Deep sigh of relief]

Then mutiny it is!

[ Enter STRAWBERRY, an elderly version of herself, dressed as a barmaid. She carries a tray to a table nearest to the witches' booth and stands there with her back to them.]

KALIMAY

I don't want to die.

FIFI

I would rather die than feel this way again. She tells us to go and wait for her in the village when there is hardly any time left to rescue Beatrice. It is only a few hours until midnight.

AGONIGHTUS

Death is a higher probability if we don't mutiny. When she is finished pretending she's Queen and done forcing a command performance out of that troupe of actors, she isn't going meet us in the village.

WACANDAMACA

Right. She's going to eat us AND the village.

KALIMAY

OK. I'm in. What's the plan?

[ STRAWBERRY turns around and places a pitcher of beer on the witches' table]

ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID

'ello ladies. Best ale in the village. Good for what ales you. Get it?

[The witches make demi-smiles, shrug, wince. They each slap money on the table.]

FIFI

Keep the change.

ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID

Thank you. I see you ladies are wearing the wort. Good for romance, good luck in child birth and keeping witches away. There's some handsome galoots in here tonight, to be sure!

[ Enter PHILLIP STRAIT, DAPHNE, HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY, WINTERBOTTOM, PERCY, QUIBBLE, WALTER, TOOT, SIEVE & OTHER VILLAGERS]

BARTENDER

[SHOUTING over the SOUND of KARAOKE SINGER to Phillip Strait]

Back so soon!?

PHILLIP STRAIT

Rehearsal on the roof is cancelled. It's raining rocks! Look at these things!

BARTENDER

Let me see.

[ PHILLIP STRAIT puts a handful of the stones on the bar.]

BARTENDER

Ah. Staurolite. Fairy crosses. A talisman of good luck.

PHILLIP STRAIT

Tell that to the knots on our heads!

[ ANCIENT STRAWBERRY/BARMAID turns and rolls her eyes at ANCIENT FORGETMENOT/BARMAID standing near PHILLIP STRAIT]

BARTENDER

[ Shouting over MUSIC to Phillip Strait]

You think you got problems! I've got old barmaids I've never seen before in my life. I suppose it's alright. It's never been this crowded in here before.

[ DAPHNE grabs SIEVE'S arm before he can get lost in the crowd.]

DAPHNE

[Shouting over MUSIC to Sieve]

I want you to take me to the other side of the island, where you took Hank!

[ HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY grabs DAPHNE by the arm. DAPHNE turns and SIEVE disappears dancing into the crowd on the dance floor, waving his arms in the air slowly to SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE with the others.]

HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY

[Shouting over Karaoke singer]

Daphne! Listen to me!

[ VILLAGE GIRLS SCREAM and swoon over the HANDSOME GREEK KARAOKE SINGER'S sexy gyrations as he continues singing like Jim Morrison: SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE]

DAPHNE

Let me go!

HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY

Daphne! It's me! I have NEVER loved anyone but you!

DAPHNE

Then show me your chest!

HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY

Here? In public!

DAPHNE

Show me or I'm going to scream!

HANK-IN-LEO'S-BODY

Alright, then.

[HANK-IN-LEO'S BODY rips open his shirt. To his horror and Daphne's, there is a huge heart tattoo that says "LEDA FOREVER" on his chest. Both SCREAM and disappear into the crowd in different directions.]

FIFI

[ Scratching her face]

I think I'm allergic to this beer! There's something floating in it!

KALIMAY

That's your NOSE! Your nose just fell off!

WACANDAMACA

My face!

AGONIGHTUS

It's wort! There's real wort nearby!

[ The witches exit, SCREAMING, holding their faces. The Handsome Greek Villager finishes his karaoke song. The villagers SCREAM and APPLAUD].

[Enter ROWAN]

ROWAN

[ To Ancient Forgotmenot/Barmaid]

Where is Puck?!

ANCIENT FORGETMENOT/BARMAID

[Points to the dark karaoke stage]

Not to be outdone!

[ A spotlight illuminates the stage to reveal a decrepid, ANCIENT PUCK wearing the exact same sexy leather outfit the Handsome Greek Villager was wearing. ANCIENT STRAWBERRY, ANCIENT POPPY and ANCIENT HAREBELL are his backup singers, dressed like THE SUPREMES inspite of their old age. ANCIENT POPPY throws St. John's Wort flowers into the audience while ANCIENT PUCK uses a walker to slowly make it to the karaoke microphone.]

ANCIENT PUCK

[ Leans into the microphone and growls to the tune of ALICE COOPER'S: I'M EIGHTEEN]

Dark spots on my face and my hands,

Darkness forming all around,

I gotta dribble into this bedpan!

I'm alive and I'm a deadman!

[ ANCIENT PUCK empties the bedpan on the audience. It is just yellow St. John's

Wort flower petals but the audience GASPS and SCREAMS before they realize it's safe.]

ANCIENT PUCK CONTINUES

I'm EIGHTY,

And I forget what I want!

EIGHTY!

I just forgot what I want!

EIGHTY!

There just ain't no escape!

My own kids put me in this place!

With just this cane and a bloody back brace!

[ ANCIENT PUCK kicks the bedpan off the stage, throws the walker away and yanks off the vest-like backbrace, revealing his old, droopy chest. STRAWBERRY and POPPY hold him up while he gyrates his hips. This time HAREBELLE tosses the wort petals into the air, then yanks off ANCIENT PUCK'S toupee.]

ANCIENT PUCK CONTINUES

Oh Yeah!

I'm a baby again and I'm an old fart!

Took all this time to get no where!

Don't remember where I left my toupee!

Hope that sweet little nurse didn't throw it away,

Again!

Yeah! Yeah!

Dark Spots on my face and my hands!

Darkness forming all around!

I'm on the border, the edge of this life!

I'm alive and I'm a dead man!

I'm EIGHTY,

EIGHTY,

EIGHTY,

EIGHTY,

This is goodbye, kids!

Yes! Bye Bye, Kids!

Bye Kids!

EIGHTY!

EIGHTY!

This is GOODBYE KIDS!

[ The stage goes dark again and before the audience can react, there is a great EARTHQUAKE. There are LOUD CRASHES, the SOUND of BREAKING GLASSES, everyone in Thisbe's Tavern starts to SCREAM.]

BARTENDER

Earthquake!

ROWAN

[ To Strawberrry]

It's Oberon! Where are you going! Come back here!

[Lightning and Thunder add to the earthquake noises. STRAWBERRY slowly makes her way up to the stage. She is determined to take her turn singing no matter what.]

STRAWBERRY

[ Starts singing while the crowd ignores her & continues to panic.]

When I want you,

In my arms,

When I want you,

And all your charms,

Whenever I want you,

All I have to do is,

Dream.

Dream, Dream, Dream.

When I feel blue,

In the night,

And I need you,

To hold me tight,

Whenever I want you,

All I have to do is,

Dream,

Dream, Dream, Dream.

I can make you mine,

Taste your lips of wine,

Anytime night or day.

Only trouble is,

Gee wiz!

I'm dreamin' my life away.

I need you so,

That I could die,

I love you so,

And that is why,

Whenever I want you,

All I have to do is,

Dream,

Dream, Dream, Dream.

~ CURTAIN CLOSES ~

~To Be Continued ~

*Lyrics to "I'M EIGHTY" by J. E. Marshall @ September 13, 2011

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM/EVERLY BROTHERS

SUMMMER'S ALMOST GONE/ THE DOORS/WAITING FOR THE SUN

I'M EIGHTEEN/ ALICE COOPER/ MASCARA AND MONSTERS